Commentary: Cell phones, drive-through meals and mesas |


Donnie Johnson

Everyone likes to have the last word, and I found a way to push that idea to the max.

In today’s world, there are few people who never have their cell phone. They walk around with it in their pockets or in their hands. Mine rests next to my bed at night.

So why not take it with you when you die? During the viewing, you lie in the coffin with your hands clasped, holding your cell phone. For our generation, nothing could be more natural.

Your friends and relatives are watching the undertaker close the coffin for the last time and your phone is still in your hands. Only it’s not your real phone, but a substitute. You gave your real phone to a trusted friend.

Two days after your funeral, your friend starts messaging and posting on Facebook from your phone. Things like, “It’s really nice out here” or “Man, it’s hot in here!”

People also read…

The friend, using your phone, could tell the ladies at your funeral how beautiful they looked and describe the outfits they wore. Or he might ask, “Why did you wear that blue dress to my funeral?” You know I always thought it was hideous!

A message could be sent to tell your wife that you’ve finally gotten married to your ex-girlfriend, or that her ex-boyfriend fell instead of up.

Your porters might be told that they gave you a bumpy ride and at some point you thought they were going to let you down.

The joke could last as long as the friend wanted.

Hey! Sounds like a great idea to me.

The Covid has changed a lot of things in our daily life, even entertaining.

It used to be that inviting friends over for dinner was a big deal. I got out my best plates and cutlery and got it right.

The post-Covid world is different. Now, when my guests arrive, I put their food in plastic containers and hand it to them through the kitchen window. Either they drive around the house and eat their dinner in the parking lot, or they drive it home.

How about a pleasant conversation after dinner? We just text.

Have you noticed that there are no more magazines in most doctor’s offices?

Covid is one of the reasons. Doctors do not want to transmit this virus via paper. The main reason, however, is that people are now sitting in the waiting room and playing on their phones.

Times have certainly changed.

Did you notice that after Alex Trebek decorum started to disappear from Jeopardy?

Trebek steered a dignified ship and the contestants didn’t speak except to give answers and during the personal information segment. Now they talk to each other and have random conversations with the hosts.

The fact that some champions last for weeks seems to indicate that Americans aren’t as smart as they used to be. Smart candidates have little competition.

No matter. Jeopardy is still one of the best TV shows.

Speaking of television, some readers will recall the days when Chevrolet airlifted flashy new cars to the top of the mesas in Monument Valley to show off on “The Dinah Shore Show” (Chevrolet sponsored Variety Hour).

One or two automakers have started doing it again and I think that’s pretty cool. Not practical – you’re not going to drive a car up a steep cliff – but cool nonetheless. Of course, maybe that’s because these mesas remind me of sets from John Wayne movies.

Now Duke could try to drive a car – or a stagecoach – up a steep cliff!


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